What are you putting before your marriage?
Work or ministry? Kids? Extended family? Friends? Hobbies? Sports? I could go on and you are likely to find something that you have put or are putting before your marriage. (Click on the title to read the full post.)
If you are feeling disconnected with your spouse or are experiencing struggles in your marriage, consider where your relationship is in order of priority.
God spoke about priority in Genesis 2:24 where it is written: That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. In this verse, it is clear that a husband and wife become one unit, separate from and in a priority above their parents. This is where many people point to when they say that God’s priorities are: #1 God, #2 Marriage, #3 Family, #4 Work or Ministry, and everything else falls below.
God knows that for a marriage to be healthy and thriving, the marriage needs to take priority. Yet, it’s so easy to take our spouse for granted and let other demands of life come before our marriage. I can assure you that this underlies nearly every struggling marriage. The couple keeps busy and stops spending time together, stops communicating, stops resolving disagreements, and then feels disconnected, dissatisfied, and resigned to a mediocre marriage.
It doesn’t have to be this way! But it will take time and intentional effort to change the situation. If you want your marriage to be healthy and thriving, you’ll be willing to do the hard work. Take an honest self-assessment of the amount of time you are investing in your marriage relationship. Looking at your calendar will help, but if you don’t put everything on your calendar, then keep an activity log for a week or two, recording what you are doing throughout each day. Oh, and be sure to note the times you are making love because that’s one of the best God-given ways to connect! Sorry, but sleeping together doesn’t count. Focus on when you are awake.
Once you’ve tracked it for a week or two, look at what you’ve written down to see how much time you spent with your spouse, just the two of you. If it’s low, discuss how you can carve out time to be together, make a plan, and work the plan. It may take time to get where you’d like to be, but if you are intentional about it, over time, you will once again feel connected and more fulfilled in your marriage.
Note: Scripture verses are from the New International Version, unless otherwise indicated.